So Loved

Hi gals
So sorry for the lateness of my newsletter but my husband has left me for another woman leaving me to contend with the B&B all on my lonesome, plus keep on top of the scrapping plus deal with that deluge Irina dumped upon our heads all weekend……. So between serving breakfasts, trying to dry laundry, keep things clean, service rooms (domestics daughter has been sick through all this of course) shopping etc, scrapping has taken a bit of a back seat. In fact, I’m so late with the news and layout that I’m not sure if it should be this week or next week’s page. I’ll see how things go……
(I should perhaps clarify that my husband has left me for his mother and I’m hoping it’s only for 3 weeks)

This week’s page is So Loved and is inspired by a layout by Lauren from my scrappers club.
Lovely subtle paper G C D Studio paper which works fabulously with black and white pics. Pics I used:
1 x A4 portrait (did it at Whysalls for R25.00 – very efficient they were too)
2 x jumbo landscape
2 x {2up} landscape {one of which got cropped)
4 x {4up} portrait
As the title suggests, it can be of anything So Loved – child, parent, pet, handbag collection….
Cost if R125.00

We’re having an evening class this Thursday at 6pm. If you feel the need for a little chillax, do come and join us.

Remember I suggested that I buy new craft mats (mine are SO poked now) and that if you like, you can purchase one, mark it with your name and keep it here at the studio so you don’t have to keep remembering to bring a mat? Well, I have lovely PINK mats in @ R69.50. Let me know if you’d like one.
Also in:
Clear alpha stamps at a VERY good price: R42.50. So handy to have in your stash of scrappin’ goodies.
Lovely packs of flowers (100 in a pack) – white, black or gray.
Gorgeous brads / Tombo glue – at last!! / double sided tape / Stanley knives – R9.50
And some gorgeous new papers – can’t WAIT to get going on those layouts.

Don’t forget Greyville 29 / 30 / 31 of this month. I’ve got forms here if you’d like to book.

A very happy birthday to Leesh who has a birthday today and AnnMarie for the 2nd . Blessings to you both.

That’s my bundle for now. Must dash….rooms to clean……

I’ll end with these supposed writings in medical records from a hospital in Mpumalanga. (I did chuckle at the first one)

1. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
Must be big …… I presume

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
You sure?

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
Damn racist blood cells!!!! Why didn’t they just come along??? Those whities….

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 11kgs weight gain in the past three days.
Wacky Wednesdays at Steers…. Some people just can’t say no.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
Can you ask for more?

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
Gotta move sometime you know?

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. Hau???

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. Nooit china!!!!!!!!!

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
Makes you think huh!!!!

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. Better go now before I change my mind……Go Go Go!!!!!!

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
What?

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
Balanced diet….. soooo important!!!!

13. She is numb from her toes down.
Some people have very low places

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
With or without pay?

15. The skin was moist and dry.
Before or after the Vaseline intensive care?

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
3 marks for the use of adjectives

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Maybe a bit slow????

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
So what’s the problem?

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. What a problem solving solution?
Let me guess…. She also lost a lot of weight with the divorce? About a 100kg and it’s now referred to as ex husband?

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
Please ask them to check the gearbox oil while they’re there?

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. What do you mean they don’t like the dark outdoors?

22. The patient refused autopsy.
Let me guess…… They said “over my dead body” ?

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
Common problem, move on and get closure.

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
Skin: That’s it, no more leave or sick leave for you…. You hear?

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Please evacuate the area in an orderly manner and phone hazmat.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
Isn’t that enough?

Christmas Two

Oh my oh my! How have I neglected my little blog so? I've been forgetting to put my newsletter on. Anyhoo.... here's the latest......

Shucks but these weeks fly by! I feel like a hamster on a treadmill (or whatever that thingy is in their cage)

So, as I mentioned last week, I've done another Christmas page - although sans pictures (I had more Moscow Mules than turkey on Christmas day so there is something of a dearth of pics) I used:
1 x {15 x 20} landscape
1 x jumbo portrait
1 x {2up} landscape
2 x {4up} landscape
1 x (4up} portrait.
The girls who've seen the page already were rather rude about my little title which I admit you need a microscope to see, still, I like it. Feel free to put a gaudy big fat title on your page is you feel so inclined.
And don't worry, I'm kind of over this paper piecing lark for now after that rush of blood to my head.

For you Cardies - don't forget our first card class of 2012 next Thursday 26th at 17:30 right here at SBJ. Feel free to bring a tipple of wine if you like.

Do any of you own a Carl Trimmer? If so, I uncovered a stash of replacement blades when I was spring-cleaning and I'm offering them @ R25.00 instead of R64.00.

I'm off to buy albums, glue, paper blah blah on Monday so let me know if there is anything you particularly need.

I'm afraid I won't be able to do scrapbooking classes on a Tuesday mornings anymore but am happy to do a Monday if that's the only day you can make. So therefore classes will be Monday / Wednesday / Thursday and evenings on demand.

I do hope the following example of Two Sides to Every Story doesn't offend anyone (bit rough in parts) but I confess to a little chuckle.

WOMEN - Two female friends are catching up:

So, how was your evening last night?

A disaster! After getting home, my dear beloved hubby wolfed down in 4 minutes the dinner that took me all afternoon to prepare, "granted" me 3 minutes of passionate love before rolling over and falling asleep 2 minutes later. And you?

Oh, mine was incredible. My hubby was waiting for me to get back home from work. He took me out for a very romantic dinner. We then walked back home, under an amazing stary sky, along the canal, for a good two hours. Once home, he lit up all the candles and we had foreplay which lasted for an hour. We then make love for another hour and then we chatted until late. It was wonderful....

MEN - Meanwhile, at the pub, the husbands are "networking"

So, how was your evening last night?

Great! When I came home, the food was ready. I ate, we shagged and I fell asleep.
You?

A nightmare! I came home earlier to fix the kitchen shelf. When I switched on the power drill, the fuse went out. The whole house went into darkness. Couldn't find the bloody fuse box, so when my better half arrived, I took her out. It was the only thing to do to avoid getting an ear-full. The dinner was so expensive that I couldn't afford the taxi back home, so we had to walk home. Once there, the house was still in the dark, obviously, so I had to light all these f..king canles to avoid knocking everything down. I was so wound up that it took me an hour to get a hard on, and another one to finish. In the end, I was so pissed off that it took me ages to fall asleep, while she kept yapping on and on about everything and nothing.

Take care and hope to see you scrapping some time soon.
Alison xxx

Len's {Big} Party

Hi Gals

I’m afraid that this week’s page – Len’s {Big} Party - turned out absolutely nothing like it was in my head! I’d have to say I’m somewhat disappointed with it.
Still, I didn’t have a chance to do another page in its place so thought I’d chuck it out into the universe anyway. You’re welcome to get the paper and do your own thing if you prefer.
Pics I used were:
1 {20 x 15cm} landscape – at least I think that was the size – I chopped it down to 15.5 x 12.5cm.
3 {2up} landscape
5 (4up} landscape
4 {9up} portrait.
I did a little concertina tag on the bottom left corner and cut the sleeve so that the tag is on the outside of the page (kindly ignore the fact that I had the sleeve the wrong way round!).
Then I was too lazy to pull the whole thing out of the sleeve so I’ve photographed it in the plastic which hasn’t helped the overall look of it!

I haven’t done an proper newsletter this week, because, I’m…uh….suffering from a spot of inertia I guess, but……
I’m happy to do an evening class on Tuesday and/or Thursday.

I’ve just this morning collected some more Nestabilities so I have the straight and scalloped circles back in stock and a few other designs.

We had a lovely card class with Bee this past Thursday and we’ll be officially running the class on the last Thursday of every month. Space is limited so you’ll need to get in quick sticks.

I’m just soooo excited – I’ve just this morning done the most amazing canvas workshop with Lauriana Glenny working with oil and acrylic paints, rub on’s, stamps etc. She is just so hugely talented and a lovely lady to boot. I’ve attached a pic for you to see (although my photography does not do justice to the finished product). Can you just picture a set of 4 or 8 of these canvases on your wall? I’m thinking of this as one of our Christmas projects. What say you?

I’ve just got in some lovely beach paper in so look out for a move away from my resent obsessive black / white/ gray / pink phase!
A very happy birthday to Kelly for this coming Saturday. Wishing you a happy day Kel.

There you have it. This was sent to me by my mother so it must be ok to pass on…..

Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo , Japan ..
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises..
'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,'Manicures, $20.00'.
'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'
The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit........ which now had a button sewn neatly on the end..


Hope to see you all some time soon!
Kind regards
Alison

Butterfly

Hi there girls
Shiver me timbers…..seriously, have you EVER known such a cold winter here in Durbs? I’m almost looking forward to summer.

I’m a wee bit behind with next week’s page. This is mainly due to the fact that I’ve got myself totally and horrible caught up in another addiction, one which is totally consuming my every waking moment. What you ask? Well, I’m busy doing a quilting course which I fear is slowly going to lead me down the road to financial ruin. If you think scrapping has a tool for everything, you ain’t seen nothing like the quilting world.
Anyway, back to the page: It’s called “Butterfly”, so called only because it has a butterfly on it. Name will no double change when I add the title.
Pic requirements are:
3 jumbo: 1 portrait & 2 landscape
1 (2up): landscape
4 (9up): portrait
Paper is pinks, blues and yellows with little houses and quite flowery so maybe not suitable for your boy on his skateboard.

I know Tuesday is a Public Holiday but as it’s Women’s Day {and in honour of she who is shortly to leave our shores} I thought we’d scrap in the evening so please do join us if you’re free. (No class on Tuesday morning though - I just have to go and have my peri peri prawn fix). And as an added bonus we’ll scrap on Thursday evening as well. Otherwise scrapping will be on the usual days.

Bee is keen to do card class which she’s happy to do either morning or evening . We’d like to put the class together quick sticks so please let me know if you’d like to attend and if so, when. The class will be held right here in my cosy little studio (actually its more like a freezer box in winter and Hades in summer)

You’ll be pleased to know the Cuttlebugs all found loving homes. In fact, there was more love than Cuttlebugs so I’ve had to order more. Let me know if you’d like me to put one aside for you. I’ve also ordered some embossing folders which should come in next week and I Spellbinders in stock. I also have fabulous Tool Totes in stock at the very reasonable price of R280.00.

Now, for most of my scrapping life (going on 9 years now!), I have always and only done double page layouts because I’ve like the flow it gives your album but the other day I was looking at Vanessa Mathews album and she does LOADS of single page layouts and it got me thinking: Why not? I often want to scrap a page that I only have one to three pics for and I find myself scrounging around for more in order to do a double page. So I thought I’d put it out to you – how would you feel about doing single page layouts? We could do two in one workshop. Your feedback would be much appreciated {even if you don’t scrap here regularly or at all}

Don’t you just love a little useless information? I so do so I thought I’d share a few with you. These are to do with language and literature:
- More than 6.3 million Star Trek books, in more than 15 languages are in print; 13 are sold every minute in the United States. (Explains a lot about America)
- No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.
- The word ‘karate’ means ‘empty hand’.
- The white part of your finger is called the lunula.
- There is a word in the English language with only one vowel, which occurs six times: indivisibility.
- The symbol # is called an octothorpe.
- Men can read smaller print than women.
- Underground is the only word in the English language to begin and end with ‘und’.
- ’Rhythms’ is the longest English word without the normal vowels of a,e,i,o,u.
- The shortest complete sentence in the English language is ‘Go’………
which is exactly what I shall do right now.

Ciao for now.
Alison

Butterfly

Life is Good

Hi there
I don’t know about you but I’m feeling like this has been one of the coldest winters we’ve had. Glorious in the sun of course but really nippy in the shade. Evenings find me huddled around my one bar heater (well actually it’s a 3 bar but two have blown, leaving me living in terror that the other will go before August). Anyhow, I prefer the coolth to that stinky February humidity.

This week’s page is Life is Good – loosely based on Debbie from Prints Charming’s lay out. It requires:
6 jumbo landscape – these get snipped down to about 14 x 8.5.
4 x (4up) – 3 landscape and one portrait {or 4 landscape if you must}
You can use any old pics that smack of the good life.
Cost of the kit is R110.00 (including workshop). A steal. {You could also do this page at home.}

I’ve got two Cuttlebug machines on the floor, looking for a loving home. If you’re unfamiliar with the Cuttlebug I would be forced to ask what planet {or mind altering drugs} you’ve been on for the last couple of years. This is that wondrous little machine that die cuts and embosses and is absolutely indispensable to the discerning scrapper. To say nothing of the professional cards you can churn out. I would have to say that scraping-wise, this has altogether been one of my best loved, most used, most useful pieces of equipment. Price is R650.00. Call me if you’d like a demo.

I was going to do an evening class on Thursday but then I remembered I’m off to see Topsy Turvy. Did any of you see Jonathan Roxmouth in A Handful of Keys? Absolutely brillo. I’m hoping this show will be as impressive. What a HUGE talent. We’ll do an evening class on Thursday 28th instead.

There really does not seem to be much other news about. I could ramble on but I wont. Do hope to see you all some time soon. I leave you with a little light humour.
Best regards
Alison

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, 'Where are you going?'
He replies, 'I'm going to the doctor.'
She says, 'Why, are you sick?'
He says, 'Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff.'
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
He says, 'Where the heck are you going'?
She answers, 'I'm going to the doctor, too.'
He says, 'Why, what do you need?'
She says, 'If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a Tetanus shot.'